Progress?

For those that don’t know, I attend SAA. If you don’t know what that is that is Sex Addicts Anonymous, It does not mean I am staying abstinent for the rest of my life just trying to have a better self control and work on my compulsion behaviors. I have been attending an online meeting for about 3 weeks, I made my decision on November 4th. So far its been a bit difficult , in this process I’ve lost a lot of “friends”. I know its going to be difficult, otherwise it wouldn’t be worth trying.

Part of what I’m doing is trying to find positive productive things to do in a replacement of the negative behaviors. So far its just been knitting, reading and learning how to play the violin. I feel so out of place some nights tho like maybe I don’t really belong, then I think of all the things I’ve done and the damage I have caused over the years….yeah i belong there. In the beginning the program tells you to avoid places/websites where you’ve been known to act out on your addiction. Today I’m riding around town and its like there is basically an entire city i cant go into without thinking of my past, its all over there.

Its weird because I know I’mm not alone in this problem and it really helps that i go to meetings almost every night, but yet at the same time it seems a very isolated place, I’ve only told very few people and most are supportive but idk like they still don’t fully understand the problems of addiction.

About two days ago one of the guys in my group shared something and its really stuck with me, id like to share: “Only when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, open, and sharing (daily) with those who we’ve deemed safe can we move, grow, and become better. Our addiction wants us to be isolated, cut off, hiding, and desperate for comfort…I implore all of you to be open, honest, and let your feelings live to and sing, pain, sadness, joy, anxiety, love, etc. should be the cornucopia that we experience each day. Not muted and dulled, but bright, warm and alive.” Not sure why but that really stuck out to me and I loved it.

Tuning In

So its been a ridiculously long time since I’ve posted and i’m sorry. So I’ve downloaded the app on my phone but i like typing on the computer better so here I am on the laptop. Also heads up I like a lot of color and I love the fact I have color options so i will be using that….like for everything for now on lol. Also for the record I am not good at writing as far as grammar goes but I do try and I’m sorry that its probably not very good.

To be honest i have know idea where I’ve left off in this thing soo ill just try to recap some of my life…I am now 28, recently single and have just started my journey of sobriety. I have joined SAA on November 3, its a long journey ahead of me i know but I also know its something that has to be done if i’m ever going to be a better person.

I lost my job about a month ago but I just got a new one on Monday and today I started doing my paperwork for it, I’m very excited about it!! I will start off as a bather, but the goal is for me to be a full time dog groomer.

So today after I finished that up i am now just listening to one of my favorite twitch streamers and drinking my Starbucks that my best friend was nice enough to get for me earlier.

My goal is to maybe type once or twice a month, I dont want to set too many goals all at once then spaz out from the pressure of having to do it all. I hope everyone has a wonderful day and thanks for reaching the end of the page lol.

Bittersweet success.

So today my client Ruby has officially moved out of the group home! It truly is a bittersweet feeling because I’m gonna miss her like crazy! She was one of the few clients I could have an actual conversation with about everything. Yet I know it’s a fantastic thing she’s gone cause it means she’s become a more independent person and can live with her dad again and not be a problem. I’m glad I gave her her goodbye present Tuesday cause I didn’t even get to tell her bye.

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Tambrie and Halloween goal

So as of yesterday my sister, Tambrie, has moved into my moms house. It’s still kinda weird to even think she’s actually here again. My sister has lived on her own for like 6 years now but came back to help my mom out. I wonder if we’ll be like friends or go back to our sibling rivalry ways, I suppose only time will tell.

Also it is 99 more days until Halloween. I want to have a set goal for that day because it is my favorite holiday and I wanna do something special. As of right now I’m roughly 215, what would be a good goal weight for that day? I was thinking just under 200 but 15 lb in 100 days sounds almost too easy so I’d like a number, any suggestions?

128

So last June was when I started preparing myself for gastric bypass. As of last June I have lost the total of 128 pounds!!!! It’s still amazing to me that I’ve lost a whole person!!

I tried to do a “then&now” pic but apparently I was camera shy las year and couldn’t find a single pic of me. So I used one from October of 2012, you can still see a major difference. Hopefully it will load up and if not I will come back and try again.

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Fun fun

So this morning I had clinicles, which if I don’t do I do not get to work for a month. I’m on my way there (which is in Sanford) from my moms house (which is in Garner). For those that do not know this area of North Carolina that is an hour drive. So I’m on my way, I turn into the lane to get on the interstate when my car just shuts off. Luckily my dad works right at the intersection but it took like 5 tries before I could even get back in the main road. He’s workin on my car right now as I’m typing. I love my dad. πŸ’™

31

I have reached another milestone! I now have 31 followers. In almost 2 years to have 31 followers sounds like no accomplishment but then again I had no idea I’d still have that meany people interested in what I say or do so I’m still happy with it. And for y’all I just have one thing I wanna say to u

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Y’all have read my ups my downs and still here to read more! Thanks. 😊

A month later

So I did finish the socks. πŸ™‚

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They were for Katie. My stepsister with Downs, she loved them. 😍
At the moment I’m enjoying a day off work, my mom came home sick. I’ve been nursing her, I asked if she wants to watch a movie and she asked for Twilight!!! I was so shocked! So that’s what we’re watching now. I kinda hate I can’t really do my cello practice but my mommy is sick so a day off won’t be too bad I guess.
I have now lost the total of 120 pounds!

Well the pic I wanted to use isn’t downloading sooo u can’t see the difference. That’s ok I’ll do it later. Tomorrow is payday! Yay!! So Monday I am going to get a gym membership. I’m excited.

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No date and no brakes

Well with me working and not getting paid til tomorrow I sadly had to cancel my date. 😦 and I was suppose to have today off but a co-worker needed me to fill in for her so I’m doing the nightshift. I find this job, relaxing (for the most part) and yet slightly creepy. I’m just sitting in the game room typing away while everybody is asleep and I don’t have to do anything (unless
someone wakes up) til 6 AM. So while I’m here I’m gonna work on that sock. Wish me luck guys.

New challenges and a date.

So if y’all didn’t know I am a knitter. I use the looms to make hats and scarves and such, well I have recently learned how to make a sock with the little blue loom. I’m wanting to make some for a missions trip my church is doing next year so I’m already practicing so in the next few months I should know how to make them perfectly. My first test socks I made for my stepsister Hannah and she LOVES them, so my next test socks will be for her as well lol.

So yesterday I was with Hannah (my younger stepsister) and we went to Denny’s, while we were there our waiter was flirting with Hannah. She insisted that he was flirting with me, so I wrote my number down and told him to text me…about 1 in the AM he did πŸ™‚ we were just talking and stuff, we have a date tomorrow at the science museum. I actually really excited. πŸ™‚